She said her name was "party"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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