your room smells of hookers.
And success
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
