i need an iv and a liver transplant
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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