So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I bet he comes in French.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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