Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
