wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
