she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
