You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
