Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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