I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
