Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
