I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
