She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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