At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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