someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
