Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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