Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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