i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
