i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
