I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
