I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
