omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize