Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
