You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
