Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
