he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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