yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
