I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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