it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
