...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
