awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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