Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
