foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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