There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
