did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
