You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
