Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
