I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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