if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
