Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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