Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
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We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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