no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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