Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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