we're blogging at a bar
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
