this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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