took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
