Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
