Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
