you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
