i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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