Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
