If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
