IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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