I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
