Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
