OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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