It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
