I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
