It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
